Friday Forum: How to talk to pregnant women

This is not me... photo credit

With only 6 weeks (hopefully) remaining in this my second pregnancy, it has come to my attention that some members of society are painfully unaware of how to speak to a pregnant woman. Without leaving her in angry tears.

I'm not sure why this is such a problem -- it's really not difficult. Speaking politely to a pregnant woman is no more difficult than speaking politely to anyone. And it's much easier than getting a telemarketer off the phone or talking your way out of a speeding ticket.

So, here are my rules for talking to pregnant women. Keep in mind that these rules are in general for speaking to unfamiliar pregnant women: strangers that you see on the bus or around town, women with whom you have a polite intermittent relationship (like the checker at the grocery store), or casual acquaintances with whom you share social niceties about the weather and such.

The pregnant women that you are more familiar with and/or related to may have a completely different set of rules. They may also be more prone to cry because you should know better than to say that me! {sob} 

Rule #1 | Treat a pregnant woman more kindly than you would an average woman (or man). Remember, pregnant women are normal women -- just more hormonally precarious, with more unpredictable mood swings and fuller tear ducts. And longer memories and grudges for the people who make them feel bad. Choose your words carefully.

Rule #2 | If/When you start the phrase, "You look _______," be very VERY certain that the word you use to fill in the blank can in no way, shape, or form mean anything potentially unkind/rude/fat. In general, any direct synonym to amazing or phenomenal is acceptable. Unacceptable words include huge, bloated, exhausted, and "done" -- and any synonyms.

Addendum #2a | "How are you feeling?" is an acceptably polite question... except when you can clearly see from the look on her face that an honest answer would be miserable. In that case, just don't ask. Revert back to Rule 2: "You look fabulous!"

Rule #3 | Make no references to twins, an elephant's gestation, or any planet in the our solar system or another. Ever.

Rule #4 | Keep your hands and opinions on pregnancy/child rearing/discipline/the female anatomy to yourself, unless one or the other is specifically invited and welcome.

Addendum #4.a | Don't volunteer your stories of conception/pregnancy/labor/delivery/post-partum unless that conversation is initiated by the mom-to-be. Remember, you are a stranger or, at most, a polite acquaintance.

Rule #5 | If a body part is not visible when clothed (in normal clothes, not celebrity clothes), it shall not be brought up during the conversation. Always included in this rule are the cervix, uterus, and mammary glands.

For a few more specific examples of what not to say, you can read my friend Brittany's story here. And then never go to Wells Fargo again as a show of solidarity for a pregnant sister.

So, to the forum: What rules would you add for talking to pregnant women -- strangers, friends, or whatever acquaintance? And you know you've got stories to share... ;)